tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-270991317752187662023-11-15T07:51:33.277-08:00La Décadence pense..non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-91843483821871087272018-09-06T03:42:00.001-07:002018-09-06T03:42:05.498-07:00my requested public statement about the ending of the GBQP<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear GBQP community,</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3302e5c9-7fff-ab2f-3ac1-534e97ef74f5" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">i feel like i am in a break up with a person i can't be with anymore. i still love them and i know i will miss them as fuck. there was a time i was so in love with them that i gained a lot of energy from that love, but now, the relationship only seems to drain me. however, this break up comes with a lot of pain, and fear of losing mutual friends, moments, memories, and other good stuff.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Gender-Bending-Queer-Party-1507708335923441/?fb_dtsg_ag=AdycasyePtri-3ERbatPJM6TdExxk8uvPW9PBiR36tbO4w%3AAdzUqbnuBhkBXkCnbL9GsKDNE5yzMZcWk_VrxA3DVgLCeA" target="_blank">genderbendingqueerparty</a> has to end. at the moment, i am suffering from depression, brought to the surface by a burn out. the burn out part is mostly due to queer activism, with the GBQP as the most visual expression of my politics. over the years, this project became bigger and bigger, and mostly; my notion of safer clubbing and queer activism started to get bigger and bigger. I would like to elaborate on that.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">when i started this party in 2014, i was an active clubber myself. I went to a lot of clubnights/parties/bars and with that, i carried my (queer, nonbinary, fat, faggy, femme, clowny) body into specific situations on which i could reflect. I started to experience a lot of errors in nightlife, the biggest one a lacking of care. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I tried to do better for myself and my friends, throwing houseparties and afterparties, and talking to people about safer spaces, party ethics and ethical use of substances. The GBQP became the biggest playground of all my ideals, a place where i could try to practice all i was preaching about. and not only could i try to make those ethics come alive during the night itself, i could also ask my friends to help me do this, and create the queer family around me i always dreamed of: the genderclowns. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>I am so ffing lucky to have these clowns around me! My goddess, we had so much fun, and there was so much care and kindness, and such deep talks too! </b></span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">at the same time, seeing these clowns became work. the gatherings became bigger and bigger, because the preparation of the party began to take more and more time. and as i was still the consensual ‘clownboss’, for me this meant a lot of planning and queer leadership (yes, i am adding that skill to my clownresume). being the person i am, this came with a lot of struggles about asking too much of my friends, and fear of being left behind (because in the end, i was the only one who Really Wanted this, right?--toxic thoughts!). </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the night itself, i always tried to programme DJs and performers that i personally know (like my berlin friends) or feel connected to in some way. this way, the ethics of the party could be carried by a group of people who i trust to be able to hold space with the clowns. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">this also meant that the party comes with hosting friends and queer family from all over europe at my house, and the houses of other clowns. which is awesome, because we can all spend time together, but it’s also stressful, because in the middle of the fun there is this party to be organized, produced and hosted. more friends over, started to become more work to be done. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">also, going out is not so high on my list of hobbies anymore, because i can’t stand the lack of care in other clubs and bars without speaking up about it. <a href="http://ladecadencepense.blogspot.com/2017/11/femmes-to-front.html" target="_blank">I can’t stand how places exploit bodies, by making them show up and be vulnerable, without protecting them to harassment, sexism, racism and all sorts of phobia.</a> which makes me quite the annoying clubkid to go out with...</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">so right now, I am starting to learn to spend time with myself and my friends and community without an agenda, without having to work all the time. that is one of the hardest things of the burn out. it feels weird, out of place, restless, it makes me feel angry, useless, sad and lonely. but i also know it is the healthiest thing to do for me right now.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>‘so non, why don’t you let other people do the party then?’ </i></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">well, i have tried. some of the clowns stepped up, saying they wanted the party to continue and wanted to take over productions. we tried to make that happen. we failed. because we’re clowns, but mostly, because we are all people with jobs, with lives, and because this party as it is, comes with at least 40 hrs a month unpaid labour. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">so we are giving the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">spirit of the GBQP back to the community.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">but the ethics will live on. I hope all of you will help us realize that. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*the genderclowns will stay alive and continue doing workshops, sessions of care, and awkward performances (website under construction)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**there is an awesome group of people called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/2069996373221158/?fb_dtsg_ag=AdycasyePtri-3ERbatPJM6TdExxk8uvPW9PBiR36tbO4w%3AAdzUqbnuBhkBXkCnbL9GsKDNE5yzMZcWk_VrxA3DVgLCeA" target="_blank">Queer Rotterdam</a> ready to welcome you for all kinds of gatherings. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And in the meantime, i hope you will take care of the people next to you, be it while clubbing, demonstrating, hanging out, dating, or having sex: remember<a href="https://www.facebook.com/Gender-Bending-Queer-Party-1507708335923441/" target="_blank"> the intentions</a>!</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">***Most importantly: remember to take care of YOU.</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hugs, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/266815317466405/" target="_blank">SEE YOU ONE MORE TIME ON THE 22ND</a>! </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">non</span></span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-63131896599538652652018-03-01T01:00:00.003-08:002018-03-01T07:27:10.616-08:0017<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.24; margin-bottom: 13px;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><i>'i learned the truth at 17'</i></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">janis ian, a queer female singer/songwriter, wrote <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMUz2TNMvL0" target="_blank">this song</a> (click on link) about being weird/not-pretty, and finding out about the truth of 'never belonging' at the age of 17. it was 1975. she wasn't really ugly.</span></span></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">this week, a lot of us are thinking about another kid who learned the truth at 17. and even though this kid also wasn't really ugly, the truth was uglier than anyone can ever imagine. </span></span></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">janis ian's song gets a whole new meaning when you listen to it and think of orlando:</span></span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-8aad06e8-e0c0-5e66-b68d-fb948af6426a"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"And those of us with ravaged faces</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lacking in the social graces</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Desperately remained at home</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Inventing lovers on the phone</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Who called to say, "Come dance with me"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And murmured vague obscenities</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It isn't all it seems</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At seventeen"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">last weeks, we could learn a lot of truths about what mainstream thinks about kids like orlando. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">first when it turned out police didn't think orlando's missing was enough to do everything they can. until one full week had passed. by then, we all knew orlando was not only a vulnerable black kid of 17, he was also queer and cruising. i'd say that is not really a motive for police to NOT do everything they can. in fact, it makes their job easier: social media can be used to find people, this boy was everywhere on social media, get to it! his friends had to do that job.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">then yesterday, when i read comments of people everywhere in (social) media, i got confronted with another ugly truth once again. unfortunately, being queer, black, and cruising, means being extra unsafe. not only and not mostly (!) because of the cruising, but because mainstream (incl police) thinks you must be somewhere, hidden, in a dark world full of sin and crimes, a world you have consciously chosen to be in. he did it himself. he went online, he talked to other sinners, he secretly wanted to meet them. he did this himself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">he is to be held responsible for his own sins. he'll get what he deserves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">at 17.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A brown-eyed girl in hand-me-downs</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Whose name I never could pronounce</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Said, "Pity, please, the ones who serve</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">They only get what they deserve"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">janis ian was a white (?) girl, and learned from a brown-eyed girl in cheap clothes with an exotic name what social difference means for being worthy of love:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And the rich relationed hometown queen</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Marries into what she needs</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">With a guarantee of company</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And haven for the elderly</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Remember those who win the game</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Lose the love they sought to gain</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In debentures of quality</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And dubious integrity</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Their small town eyes will gape at you</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In dull surprise when payment due</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Exceeds accounts received</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">At seventeen</span></span></div>
<br /><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.488; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">in 2018, social difference and being worthy of love are still as much related as in ian’s age. that is the truth we all learned this week. white people should follow ian's footsteps more if you ask me, and listen and learn from people with names they may have a hard time pronouncing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">for now, i am still able to gather proof everyday for the truth that being black and queer means you will be looked at with small town eyes still. heads with small town eyes thinking: 'it’s your own fault. you are a slut, a prostitute, a criminal, a sex-driven reckless hedonist*. you don’t deserve our company, our elderly homes, our caresystem, our security. it is not for you.' </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Normaal.doen. </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">this is the truth we teach kids. and even though this doesn't mean that every queer kid looking for intimacy will write a hitsong about it, and thank goddess it doesn't mean every kid will die: but at 17, they will already have internalized these terrible judgements and will already think they know the truth: you are not worthy of love. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">orlando learned the truth at 17. he died wiser than any white man will ever be. rest in powerful peace, kid. we are with you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">*all of these words don't stand for moral judgements in my community.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">we have to change that truth.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">***help giving orlando a beautiful goodbye by doing what you can here: http://www.rememberorlando.nl/***</span></div>
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non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-84809557471576623922017-11-15T00:41:00.000-08:002017-11-15T00:41:13.131-08:00FEMMES TO THE FRONT<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last friday, i decided to visit a performance of a queer non-binary duo from St Africa, FAKA. It reminded me of all the other times out at night in non-queer spaces. Unfortunately, going to a queer performance doesn’t mean the space is safe for queer people. Unfortunately, when a space is not actively held safer by people aware of what it feels like to be queer in public spaces, it means that the space will be taken over by the ones with a sense of entitlement. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yes, dudeboys, it’s about goddamn time you start to at least slightly know who you are, and act on it. You DON’T have the right to occupy spaces that are meant for expression and other things you have no clue about. ART is NOT YOURS. Nothing is yours. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is not an incident on its own. It is a last-straw kind of incident, a fragment of a structural problem called </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">toxic masculinity</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Back to last night. It happened like i remember: drunk people were bumping into me, groups of loud men were gathering around me, and i felt awkward and out of place. The music was too loud to really talk and there was not really a dance floor either. Nevertheless i stayed, and felt strengthened by our expanding group, amongst which appeared to be some incredible dancers and i enjoyed their company. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The two people performing were queer POC, and so were most of the people in my group. Being amongst POC, enjoying that specific music genre, makes me always very aware of my whiteness. I try to reflect upon that, because i don’t want anyone to be ‘othered’, but i can’t deny the awareness of difference either. I think queer POC don’t have enough safer public spaces, so when i am with them, i try to make space, step aside a bit, without disconnecting from the group. I think this is an (even) more important event for them as it is for me, considering the intersectional perspectives. I am their queer like-minded, and try to be their ally in racial matters. This makes me feel even more humble whenever i am with them at a performance of Black-artists, compared to, for instance, the predominantly white performers i invite over from Berlin to perform at my parties. Problematic enough as it is, i know.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just before FAKA came on stage, our group got slowly pushed away from the front of the stage to the side. I remember how this always goes, from when i was a young girl trying to catch a glimpse of my rockstar heroes. There’s dudes in their jackets, hoodies mostly, they stand right in front of you, and slowly start walking backwards. If you don’t feel like touching them or pushing them, you have no other option but to move back, until you notice your favorite spot in front of the stage is suddenly miles away and you are stuck between this dude and others behind you. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This time it was like that, but quicker. Suddenly all the queer POC were all the way at the side of the stage, beyond the sound system. In front of the stage were dudes drinking their beers, standing still. The concert started and the dude-space was taken over by more dudes and also what seemed to be cis white women. My friends didn’t seem to bother and gave it their all at the side. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I noticed a difference between their dancing and the movements of the white people in front of the stage. I was wondering whether what felt wrong was just their white cis-bodies being there, so (too?) close to the bodies of the performers, or also something else.. It was like they were treating those 2 bodies (black and femme) differently. Was this objectification, fetishisation, exoticisation? I decided to postpone this question and to talk about this with my friends afterwards.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was dealing with my anger and frustration for approximately 20 minutes, then i managed to let go a bit, it got a little less crowded and i was able to still enjoy the concert. But goddamnit, it was a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">queer</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> performance! Why was it dominated by non-queers, without ANY hesitation?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is why the riotgrrl movement said: girls to the front! Let me adjust that a bit: </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FEMMES (of any gender) TO THE FRONT. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rotterdam by night has been my refuge for a long time. First, as a teenager, there were concerts of unknown alternative bands, then there were nights in pubs and bars, then came clubbing, and now … i guess there’s nothing (unless i organize it myself). The last couple of weekends have one thing in common: going home sad and angry and frustrated and scared, because i had nowhere to go. I tried (gay)bars, alternative cinema, pubs, clubs and last night a performance bar, for the ‘weirdly artistic’. Nope. I feel unsafe everywhere. What happened?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess i always felt unsafe, but my coping strategy was to pull up a wall, take drugs and/or alcohol, gather friends and go for it. It has always been a fight. I am done fighting. I don’t want walls, and i don’t want to switch off parts of myself to be able to deal with assholes. I don’t want to sedate myself to be able to go to a party. At least not every week. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I haven’t even gotten into what happens when we exit the bars, clubs, etc. because that is mostly even worse, or a different type of bad. Yesterday, i was cycling only a couple of metres away from the venue and there were some guys catcalling me and asking me if they could taste my gothpussy. There is no way out. I got home tired, frustrated, but mostly sad and scared. Did the world change, or did i? What happened? How do i create a new way to cope with the daily struggle and escape from it all for a while?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am so very grateful to be able to host a queer party in my city where i hope the experiences of my community are different. And of course, this party stems directly from my experiences elsewhere. But is this really it? Is there nowhere I can go, WE can go, in a free time, just to enjoy a drink, company, and a dance? Not even a queer performance? Do we really have to FIGHT for a spot on the dancefloor? Cause when we don’t, we get pushed away, touched, groped, asked inappropriate questions, and walked over?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We deserve the means to create a steady bar, a refuge where we can gather in vulnerability. We want a place of our own, on our own terms, without having to negotiate, educate or get hurt first. A place that is there, no matter what. A place where everything is femme. Think Silver Future in Berlin, think a small WORM for Avantgarde-avant-la-lettre-only, The Hang-Out 010 for all ages and times of the day. It’s not a lot to ask. We can do the work. It’s our daily life. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FEMMES (of any gender) TO THE FRONT. RIGHT NOW.</span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-8237442553155463262017-08-24T03:37:00.003-07:002017-08-24T05:34:45.953-07:00How proud can Rotterdam be? <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a story about my personal experience. I would like to make a navelgazing-disclaimer, because i know my story can never represent a whole group and i am claiming a space that is meant for more than just me. But i do think there’s a value in sharing personal stories as a start for conversations about shared experiences, values and meaning. I also think the latter is the core of a movement.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was born and raised in Rotterdam, and i never learned to be proud. (because that’s not a very ‘Rotterdam’ thing to learn..) Until that one moment, at least. That moment, when i marched at ‘de Lijnbaan’ with my community--i learned how it feels to be fucking proud!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was September 2015, not more than a month after my partner-in-crime and I told the organization of Rotterdam Pride that we thought the core of a Pride should be a march, a demonstration. The director of Pride said to us: Ok, maybe you’re right, go for it!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And so we did. We created a Facebook event and invited everyone we knew. I didn’t really expect a lot of people to show up, and i was bloody nervous about the safety of us all, but those realisations came up too late.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So at the friday afternoon of Pride Walk 2015, i cycled to the city council with my orange megaphone and a pink wig, expecting a little cute gathering. 300 people came.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is what it looked like:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheHangOut010/videos/1705171886383374/">https://www.facebook.com/TheHangOut010/videos/1705171886383374/</a></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We claimed the streets alright! </span><span style="font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">With not much more than our bodies, a brass band and a whole lot of <a href="http://thehang-out010.weebly.com/" target="_blank">Hang-Out</a> spirit.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-We didn’t get any funds. We didn’t spend any money. - </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After this, all cliches happened. Because the march was such a success, Rotterdam Pride took over and made it into something i think goes against everything it should be. They told me about KPN as a sponsor. I told them a big multinational could never be a sponsor of a political march. (if you don’t know why, read along or <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_capitalism" target="_blank">read more</a>) I also told them we didn’t need a lot of money. I told them about funds I researched and we could get. But they went along with KPN and made the march into an event, with a stage and a VIP-tent. I did what i could by speeching about the importance of visibility of diversity not only for the masses, but even more for the young LGBT+kids out there who think they’re alone. I tried to get everyone into the VIP tent, and me and my friends dragged the pink elderly to the front of the march. The Hang-Out kids danced their asses off, like they always do. I was very proud again, but something was missing. We lost something. We didn’t get it our way, but we were forced into a structure of others, and our message got lost in skipping the political, critical stuff and heading directly to the ‘fun’ part of pride.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now it’s time to claim the missing part back</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">In Rotterdam we are still figuring out if we can even be proud at all. Is Rotterdam Pride-worthy? And what should that pride look like? </span><br />
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rotterdam has no policy when it comes to refugees, Rotterdam thinks all people in welfare are scum who don’t want to work, Rotterdam takes non-violent demonstrators to prison, Rotterdam does racial profiling, Rotterdam blames Islam for all crimes, Rotterdam is governed by fascists claiming they are the norm, Rotterdam bans people from their houses to welcome the richer ...i could go on for ages.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But, also: Rotterdam is the most cultural diverse city in the Netherlands, Rotterdam has all those people living together pretty peacefully every day, Rotterdam is honest, Rotterdam has a real skyline, Rotterdam is the beautiful underdog, Rotterdam has a superlovely LGBT+community (with the best <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Gender-Bending-Queer-Party-1507708335923441/" target="_blank">queerparty</a>, of course :)), Rotterdam is unpredictable, Rotterdam loves itself without arrogance, ….etc.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love my city. I believe that this city made me who i am today and all the events i organize are made because of this city. I feel The Hang-Out 010 is one of the best examples of the thing i love so much here: it wasn’t an initiative constructed from abstract ideas and plans. It happened as we went along. We just started, and we invited everyone who was willing to support in any way. The first editions of the Rotterdam Pride happened the same way. It was amateuristic, it was messy, you had to pay attention to find it, and by the time you found it, it was already almost over--but we got people together and we made a difference, especially for each other. That’s my Rotterdam. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">--Niet lullen, maar poetsen. We don’t need a lot of money for that.-- </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">KPN- voel je vrij (feel free) --- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The slogan of Pride Walk’s sponsor is so ironic, Alanis wouldn’t know how to deal with it. Are they aware of this? Do they know how right-wing Rotterdam politicians are spreading hate speech since decades already? Do they know they are advocating a freedom based on wealth and privilege? Are they aware of the fact that a lot of transgender people don’t feel free, no matter how many MB’s they get? Don’t they see how excluding and disrespectful such a slogan is? Do they really think money can buy freedom? Are they really that stupid??</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am afraid not. I am afraid they are just very smart in PR-strategies. The stupid ones are Rotterdam Pride, thinking this is the way to organize a Pride. Thinking a pride should be about ‘building bridges’ and ‘minding the gap’ between the community and corporations, between straight people in power and oppressed LGBT+people. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No, Rotterdam Pride. A pride is about safer spaces, about community, about sharing experiences, about finding each other within the safety of a pride-environment. That safety can not be held if you invite the oppressor! There is still so much violence and (micro)aggression towards minorities. Let’s hear them out first, before we ask them to be friendly with the aggressors. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rotterdam Pride, this is your wake up call -- not sponsored by KPN</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The people from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/wereclaimourpride/" target="_blank">We Reclaim Our Pride</a>, a Dutch queer collective which focuses on giving Prides back to the community, have formed a group in Rotterdam to take back the Pride Walk and turn it back into the political march/demonstration it is supposed to be. We will be joining the walk armed with banners, flyers and statements raising questions about the content, purpose and value of Pride. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hope this will be the start of good talks and critical reflection, a re-defining of what Rotterdam Pride, and especially a Pride Walk, is. And more important: i hope we get to show the kids of Rotterdam that there’s a community waiting for them that looks hopeful, warm and relatable, but is also ready to stand up and fight for each other in solidarity. A community always ready to dance, but not before we stand united against pinkwashing, racism, discrimination, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, hatespeech, fascism, and all the other things nowadays so common in our shared experiences. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We need you! Want to join? Let us know: https://www.facebook.com/wereclaimourpride/</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">--------------------------------</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Manon la Decadence studied Humanistics but is better know as a genderclown, hosting safer spaces in Rotterdam with their GenderBendingQueerParty and Get a Room! at WORM, and talks and support groups at The Hang-Out 010 and Adem Inn. </span></div>
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non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-28066616635938503052017-08-02T10:14:00.006-07:002017-08-02T10:14:56.441-07:00Love is love is love? <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_anarchy" target="_blank">relationship anarchist</a>. looking back, i can say it started when i became an unsolicited part of date-culture, and me and my female friends (i thought i was somewhat ‘straight’ back then. it has been a long road, people...;)) went to bars where we only seemed to get together to talk about guys and to maybe check out other guys. I felt like i needed to date because i needed the stories. and so i did, ‘cause i was always willing to take care of the entertainment. :) </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">so I dated guys through datingsites. I hated this, because i have always hated the talks with straight cis-dudes in bars. so I mainly did lots of one night stands, which i liked better because then i could party with my friends first and just take home a stranger without having to listen to him a lot. and while i was in the middle of those moments with random dudes, i thought about the caricature i could create telling my friends about him, or about the clumsy funny situations or bad sexstories to share with them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-it wasn’t all cynical, i even sincerely enjoyed myself a couple of times, mostly because the guy was funny and/or hot, and i couldn’t WAIT to tell them all some days later at our weekly gathering.-</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">date- and fuckstories are worth sharing. at the same time, i had by far the most fun-times going out with my friends. because my friends are the fucking best! they have always been. I have always loved my friends so much and thought they were the coolest bunches ever. I was a proud friend. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sometimes i even fell a bit in love with new friends, my so called ‘friend-crushes’. this </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">could</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> mean i was open for physical intimacy with them, other times this wasn’t really what i thought i wanted, or i just left it out there in the unknown/undecided. I just wanted to be close to them, cuddle them, they made me happy, they made me a better person, they were the ones i wanted to share my life with. and they still are, the same ones, and more recent ones.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">this is why it is so confusing to me to live in this discourse of relationships where only romantic love and sexual contact is worth sharing stories about. I am non-monogamous, which means i am not limited to being with one partner to be intimate with in whatever way. then why is it that i am expected to share certain stories with some of them, whereas other stories don’t seem to be a danger or even worth mentioning?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I struggle so much with the distinction continuously made between relationships worth telling stories about and relationships taken for granted in narratives. I really don’t see why my lover should tell me all about their romances while they are not expected to compare our love to the intimacy i experience with close friends...</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">i would ask myself: is this story or relationship with the other person a danger to our relationship? no? </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">then why present it like that, and at the same time leaving out other scenario’s of intimacy?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">why should i tell my partner about that date i just had a coffee with and not about meeting my friend the other night and having the most life changing conversations? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don’t want those questions, i want to break the hierarchy and the structures that create that hierarchy. I want small stories to become worth sharing, and big narratives to become less dominant. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want relationship anarchy. poly is not enough. polyamory is an open door and that’s why relationship anarchy means so much more. of course we’re poly, we love our people, every now and then! we’re in a rhizome of encounters and relationships, and the ones that matter are the ones worth sharing. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and what matters is what we value as stories to be told. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>we need to change the discourse of which stories are worth sharing, by upgrading the stories about our beloved friends to the same level as those with lovers and dates. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">nothing is a danger to something else when it comes to human encounters, cause all love is different and equal. and don’t get me wrong, my jealousy can be bad, but is never about this distinction either. I can be jealous of everything and everybody. and that’s ok, i think, as long as i look at the jealousy as something that indicates some other fear i have. and my jealousy of things i can’t seem to have gets worse if i feel like the connections i invest most in are not worth as much as dates with lovers. I don’t think i am the only one.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">there was a period in my life during which i was not only single, i also didn’t really have lovers or dates. people asked me: how’s your lovelife? and it made me feel so uncomfortable. I started to reflect upon this uncomfortable feeling, and i found out it was there because i knew they were asking me about dates, lovers and romance. I had no stories to tell, which would make my lovelife shit. but it didn’t feel like that at all. I felt very loved, by my friends and community. I also sometimes had sex or playdates with friends, and i felt like those were a bit more worth sharing than the ones i had a platonic friendship with. that felt not right either. like being naked with each other got you to a next level in the hierarchy of connection. sometimes yes, maybe, but other things do that as well. so i decided to try and answer this question differently. it went like: </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>“How’s your lovelife?” </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>“Pretty awesome. I feel so loved. I had the best conversation yesterday with my friend D, we talked and had dinner and drinks and we hugged goodbye and it made me feel so good.” </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want dates with my lovers and friends where i want us to ask each other: how is your love life? and i want this question to be about my friends, my lovers, my partners, and the beautiful strangers. love is love right?</span></span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-28614908960615081542017-06-06T14:47:00.002-07:002017-06-06T15:14:46.461-07:00BOI >> BXI<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I wrote this blog last week: <a href="http://ladecadencepense.blogspot.nl/2017/05/boi.html">http://ladecadencepense.blogspot.nl/2017/05/boi.html</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">some days later, i gained some knowledge about the word BOI. </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I read this information as a response to a question a friend of mine posted on facebook: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "merriweather"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">‘how is ‘boi’ black cultural appropriation?’</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here's the info:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://genderqueerid.com/post/52144260437/hello-i-once-heard-somebody-say-the-term-boi">http://genderqueerid.com/post/52144260437/hello-i-once-heard-somebody-say-the-term-boi</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">not so long ago, i would have instantly changed my self claimed identity and profile picture and everything i ever posted about the word to correct myself. I would have been ashamed for not knowing and wouldn’t want anyone to see it, for <i>they might not like me anymore</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">however, I don’t believe this ‘self-censorship-and-shame cocktail’ is the attitude that helps anyone. nobody knows it all, and even though i try to be as open minded as can be, i still have limited outreach and i can’t see all the sides of the <a href="https://image.slidesharecdn.com/unit2-theawakeningofthesociologicalimaginationpart2-110822201919-phpapp01/95/unit-2-the-awakening-of-the-sociological-imagination-part-2-16-728.jpg?cb=1314044544" target="_blank">elephant</a> at the same time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">so, with this writing i want to reflect upon my feelings and thoughts related to the term i was happy to claim as part of my identity, one day not-so-long-ago. after the dynamics of reflection and talks with others, i hope i can make a decision, as wisely as possible.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">a short summary of the sources i found on the origins of ‘boi’- it’s in my own words, which is important because i need to really get this: </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">whereas the term ‘boi’ is used in different parts of the queer/LGBTQ+community in order to create a different manifestation of masculinity (from masculine lesbians to feminine gays and submissive whatevers)---</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘boi’ originates early 1990’s from the black community and served a totally different purpose, “</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it was more likely a play off the racially charged meaning that has long been associated with the term, given the long history of whites, calling adult black men by the diminutive term “boy.” b</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 11.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">lack men reclaimed the word and changed it into ‘boi’. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 11.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">-I am still curious about how widespread this word is known amongst the black male community, worldwide. because:</span></div>
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p<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 11.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">ersonal sidenote: early 90s, i lived a great part of my life in the midst of communities of colour, or i'd rather say in one mixed poc-community. I never picked up on the term ‘boi’ back then, but hey, i was also called ‘wigger’ (i am not even going to write down where this comes from), without this being offensive for anybody at school back then. and i was a fan of both boyz II men and the backstreet boys...who knows what weird bubble i was living in! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 11.5pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">times change, we have to as well. thank goddess. I lived in rotterdam, it might have been, or must have been, a totally different reality from racially mixed schools or communities elsewhere, during that time. of course now i know that even though i was from the same neighbourhood as my black/poc classmates, and even though my parents had more or less the same income as theirs, and we got the same education, there must have been moments when certain doors remained closed for them, whereas for me they were wide open. again: back then, i didn’t have a clue. we just didn’t talk about that. or my poc classmates didn’t talk about it with me...which makes me sad, and wish i'd done better.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">anyhow: it’s a good thing that i have to go back to those times and think about it again. and it’s good that i know now where the word ‘boi’ originated from. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">but now what? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">is it an inappropriate word for me to use, as a white person? or is it merely a positive thing that words lead us to do research on other minority groups, as long as we’re open to do so? and given that, does doing this research make it more appropriate for me to keep on using the word? or should i change it, knowing what i know now? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the following part might be hard for people to follow. please ask if you are curious and don’t get it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I love it when people call me ‘boi’. it feels playful, it excites me, and it suits me ‘cause it’s bratty, and faggy. it’s the more cheerful and easier way to say ‘fag with cunt’- which also has appropriation glued to it, but since i don’t identify as woman and since i just AM a fag, i already made up my mind about this and continue using it. My faggotry comrades agree. ‘boi’ also has a kinky element, which i also like. I want my lovers to be able to call me boi, because it sounds just right. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">still, i want to respect and acknowledge the cultural heritage that sticks to the word, and the sensitivity it can cause for others, with different stories than mine.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">>>></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>so..</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>since it is all about the spelling (you can’t hear the difference between boy/boi/bxi/bxy when you say it), i decided to change the spelling. i think the queer community needs to change and update their labels continuously, this is my contribution for now. t</i></span></span><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">he ‘x’ has been used in a variety of forms already, in attempts of making ‘old’ words more genderfluid - seems pretty good to me! i hope that with this reflection and minor change i can show the process that comes with trying to take into account all 'other' minorities, and how complex this can be, but also: how necessary. respectful feedback always welcome.</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>xx</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><span id="docs-internal-guid-9a15034b-7e7c-e1ca-69aa-93df2ea89449"></span></i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>BXI.</b></i></span></span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-64670092687042589752017-05-27T01:19:00.005-07:002017-05-27T01:55:45.139-07:00BOI<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">last night i went to a party organized by some friends, the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hob.party/" target="_blank">House of Boys</a>. i would like to share a story about that night. (first of all: dear friends/boys from House of Boys--it was a great party, i am very proud of you and this is in no way meant to be criticism)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i speak with a lot of gay boys: about their coming out, about public spaces, harassment, gender expression, etc. i love doing that and it makes me happy and proud to see them gather and have fun together, creating their own safe space. i also love the fact that a lot of them come up to me because they see somebody they apparently want to talk to. and i love how they perceive me as this queer person who doesn’t give a fuck. but in fact, i do give a lot of fucks (pun intended) and i am still very vulnerable and in search of my own gender identity and expression. i also thinks this never ends. as i said to one of the boys last night: it gets better. but being vulnerable about being seen in the way you want to be seen and getting hurt because stuff people say or do...it never really stops. it’s inherently human. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">as you can see in my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pergraphicus" target="_blank">profile pic</a>, i had the word BOI* written on my chest. this was a risk i took, i realize now. it seems i value the word a lot more than i thought and i underestimated how writing something this precious on your body makes you some sort of diy target. i came out again last night, every second i was there. at first, it felt good. then something happened and it hurt like hell. picture me, some friends, and a stranger coming up to me: </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">‘So why doesn’t this say BOOBS?’ </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">the moment someone says something to me that points out my body, especially when it’s being perceived as a (sexualized) woman’s body, i want to disappear. no, i want to scream. i don’t know, it makes me angry and sad and there’s so many feelings that i just don’t know what to feel or say or do anymore. so i stuttered:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">‘Because i am not particularly fond of my boobs.’</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">this is not really true. i have had to deal with a lot of body image issues during my life, but my boobs (i don’t like that word but it was said and i don’t know a better word) have never been part of this. i don’t LOVE them, they’re just there, as a part of me. and they’re small, so they don’t bother me a lot. and, most importantly, they give me pleasure. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but at this point of the ‘conversation’, i was still processing the fact that someone perceived me as a cis woman with </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">boobs, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and the fact that i was approached as if they were the most notable aspect of my presence.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">‘</span><span style="font-size: large;">Why are you showing them off like that then?!’</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i wanted to say that i wasn’t showing off anything, but that i just like to show skin with loads of glitter on it and my chest happens to have those two things people call boobs, but that for me they’re just a part of my body as a whole and not necessarily a special, striking part. i wanted to say that i wrote BOI on my chest to kind of show this to others, to make sure that people DON’T perceive me as cis woman and WON’T point out my boobs. (also: free the nipple!)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i didn’t say much though, i just mumbled to my friend that i was going somewhere else and i walked away, leaving the person in question behind in an indignant state. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">my night was ruined. i tried to be my own kind of ‘boi’ at the House of Boys, but i suddenly i couldn’t be anymore. i felt exposed and unsafe. i put on a shirt and tried to process what happened, inside my head**. this writing is what came out.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i am sharing this because i want to point out not only that i am </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the fearless and untouchable creature some people might think i am, but also that i experience </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">myself, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">every day, how violent the gender and beauty standard prison can be, and how important it is to create safer spaces for all things queer. i refuse to believe i was the only one that got hurt last night. i am sure there were more genderqueers there, who experienced some kind of dysphoria because of something that happened. and i want them to know that i need them, and they need me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">i want to expose the vulnerability that comes with being queer, and i want vulnerability to be seen as strength, and as a force that can drive away toxicity. so...</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">hey bois, femmes, fags: let’s talk. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">and while i am at it, hey partypeople: be careful with your comments and take care of each other.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">*</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I use the word </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">BOI</span></b><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> to identify myself as ‘fag with cunt’, which is the gendercocktail i feel comfortable with most of the times, and stems from the way `boi’ is used in</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">1. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the lesbian</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> community, a young transgendered/androgynous/masculine person </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">who is assigned female at birth and presents themselves in a young, boyish way; a boidyke; often also identifies as genderqueer. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">2. in the gay community, a young gay man; </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-39555d07-48fb-954a-acc2-37593126ef05"></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">3. in the BDSM community, someone who presents themselves in a young, boyish way and is usually a bottom/submissive.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2c353c; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">**of course this incident doesn't stand on its own. i am using it now because it was the last straw. other things had made me stagger and shake earlier, this made me trip.</span></span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-70995184281962172842017-03-05T06:04:00.002-08:002017-03-05T12:16:52.827-08:00shit people say: 'if i were into women...' <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#shit people say: </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-00e26568-9ebd-39dd-f159-e17ae08c695b" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“If i were into women, i would definitely fuck her/you.”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please stop saying this. Do you want to know why? Maybe you have heard people say it as well, but it didn’t offend you. Maybe you even said it yourself once. Then please, read along. I will explain my kindly demand based on several occasions in which i heard somebody say this. Disclaimer: those people were of all kinds of gender and sexual orientation.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is <a href="http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/assuming-gender/" target="_blank">assuming some person’s gender</a>. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This one is not very hard to explain. You are assuming the person you would want to fuck is a woman. Would it be different if they had a penis, though? (just asking)</span></div>
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<br />
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is abusive language and <a href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-objectification/" target="_blank">objectifying</a>.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can not just decide who you are gonna fuck, without the other person wanting this too. This is called consent, and this sentence assumes so little of it that i think we could call it abusive language. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, by saying this, you are making an object of the person you are talking about. I am not even gonna explain this point.</span></div>
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<br />
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is mostly based on <a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/b9/2f/0d/b92f0d8f7046a589a9fab2fd831751f6.jpg" target="_blank">beauty standards</a>. (and therefore objectifying again, but i already used this argument)</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This has to do with why i chose to use ‘women’ and not ‘men’ or both. Like i stated before, i heard people of all different kinds of gender and sexual preference say this, but all of them were talking about women. It probably has been said about men as well, but i think there’s something different going on then, which has to do with beauty standards. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you are not attracted to a certain gender, in this case women, ask yourself: why is that? And doesn’t this label come with the condition of wanting to fuck only a part of the gender spectrum, which is not women? So why would you assume something that far outside of your world of sexual fantasy? And why would this person then all of a sudden cover your needs? I think it has to do with standards of what is ‘fuckable’, set by media, mostly. Of course women are very much framed into a certain beauty standard, so if they can live up to this, they must be fuckable. You have to be very strong and willing to resist the standards of which woman is fuckable set by media, hollywood, and everything else they call capitalism. Those sources forced upon us also determine what is fucking, look at point 4.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "merriweather";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also: <a href="http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/women-pressured-sexy-punished-sexual/">http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/women-pressured-sexy-punished-sexual/</a> and <a href="https://theunpracticalscheme.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/sex-feminism-and-the-fuckable-woman/">https://theunpracticalscheme.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/sex-feminism-and-the-fuckable-woman/</a></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Example: gay boys who are in denial and try to be with women mostly fall for the tiny, pretty, classy girls. This is totally suitable for the picture perfect they are trying to uphold, and less of a threat than the rebels with a strong opinion or the deviant bodies amongst females. When they come out and are comfortable with their sexuality they usually don’t have a problem anymore with the latter categories, on the contrary.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is fucking binary.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And i use the verb ‘fucking’ here on purpose. Fucking binary, i could write an essay about it, but i want to get to my last point, so let me put this as shortly as possible by just asking a lot of questions: fucking is not easily defined. What is fucking? Is fucking something you do when you are horny? Or can you do it without being horny as well? Is fucking when you are both naked? Or can you fuck with your clothes on? Does fucking mean (a form of) penetration? Do you kiss when you fuck? Does fucking always involve genitalia? And when they are involved, is it always called fucking then? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please define ‘fucking’, because i couldn’t, and wouldn’t.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What i do know is when i </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">did</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> fuck. In retrospect. It just felt like we fucked. I wouldn’t know why and what was it that made this fucking, but i know we did. What i also know is that when i am intimate with a person i never thought of as ‘fuckable’, it can suddenly change. Or even when we are not intimate, and something just happens and i see them in a different light all of a sudden. Or when i am just aroused or excited by the situation and we are all willing to go for it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believe there are fuckable moments, not people.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Merriweather; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It hurts. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am a fag with a cunt, and it hurts if gay men tell me they would fuck me if they were into women, or if i were a man. It hurts because i feel like a forever lonely queer when they tell me this, and also because of all the things i mentioned earlier. And mostly because i know i am not a woman, not in daily life, but certainly not when i fuck.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please queer the fuck up, my friends! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanks for reading this, it’s appreciated.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><3</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<br />non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-50594801567565102232016-12-13T06:08:00.001-08:002016-12-13T06:12:30.469-08:00jouw pijn mijn pijn<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jouw pijn is niet erger dan mijn pijn he?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Deze zin spookt sinds vrijdag j.l. door mijn hoofd. Het is zo veelzeggend en maakt me zo boos en bang en verdrietig.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Los van de context, wat zegt deze zin je? Ik denk dat je er wel een zekere kleinering in kunt lezen, vooral door het woordje ‘he?’. Hallo, weet je nog, mijn pijn is er ook he? Niet vergeten he? Ik heb ook pijn! Het klinkt als een schooljuf die gepest wordt door haar leerlingen. Jongens, ik heb ook gevoel he!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Je kunt je misschien iets voorstellen bij deze zin, een situatie waarin dit wordt uitgesproken. Tussen 2 geliefden wellicht, of tussen 2 mensen die allebei hoofdpijn hebben, maar die ene klaagt er heel de tijd over, en die ander luistert daar al heel de dag naar en is het nu wel een beetje zat.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stel dat dit de context is, wat vind je dan van deze zin? Terecht? Of een beetje kinderachtig? Je kunt immers ook gewoon zeggen: ik ben je geklaag over je hoofdpijn nu wel zat. Of: wil je nu even je mond houden, want ik merk dat mijn hoofdpijn hier niet echt beter van wordt.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jouw pijn is niet erger dan mijn pijn, he? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oke. Als ik nu vertel, dat het gespreksonderwerp in de context waarin dit werd uitgesproken, racisme was. Wat stel je je er nu dan bij voor? Ik vermoed dat je al aardig in de buurt komt. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "merriweather"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dan is het nu tijd dat ik mijn narratieve beschaving loslaat en zeg wat er op mijn hart ligt.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Deze zin komt namelijk van een ex-raadslid (vrouw, wit) van Leefbaar Rotterdam. Iemand die vaak een platform krijgt in de media. Ze sprak het uit tegen een zwarte vrouw, die zojuist had verteld dat zij regelmatig te maken heeft met racisme, en hier een voorbeeld van gaf. Mevrouw Leefbaar maakt regelmatig soortgelijke dingen mee: ze wordt namelijk wel eens aangezien voor een racist! </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Weten wij wel hoe dat voelt?? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">En ja, in dit gesprek keerde zij zich richting een zwarte vrouw, en sprak de woorden:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jouw pijn is niet erger dan mijn pijn, he?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Een hele ruimte vol beschaafd links Rotterdam zat erbij en keek ernaar. Niemand zei iets. Toen zij vervolgens een pro-Trump betoogje hield, implodeerde ik zowat, en trok ik mijn mond open. Ik deed het te laat, niet goed genoeg, maargoed: de rest zweeg. Ze veegde mijn woorden van tafel en nam weer de ruimte in, keer op keer, met elke keer dezelfde woorden. Zonder gene. Volledig comfortabel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stop. houd je mond. Stop alsjeblieft. Houd je mond. Zorg dat je pijn je kwetsbaar maakt, en voel dat, en kom daarna terug, voor een prettig gesprek.</span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-003138c4-f87e-bf43-30fe-89cc9c0e4184"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Ik ben zo verdrietig. Help.’ </span></span>non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-7119108060848702272016-10-01T03:51:00.002-07:002016-10-02T09:03:48.706-07:00<b id="docs-internal-guid-5b59b5a4-7fd8-ce7d-e6de-cffe8cd7ba26" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aan de betrokken kansrijke Rotterdammer, </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">De afgelopen maand is beschaafd Rotterdam weer veelvuldig samengekomen. Het culturele seizoen is geopend, en vanaf nu kunnen de esthetici van Rotterdam weer genieten van een rijk aanbod aan kunst, literatuur, muziek en theater. Ook was er vorige week <a href="http://rotterdam-pride.com/" target="_blank">Rotterdam Pride</a>, voor mij en mijn community een kans om onszelf te laten zien aan de rest van de stad.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wat al deze evenementen gemeen hebben is dat ze een groep mensen bij elkaar brengen die betrokken zijn bij Rotterdam. Ze willen dat Rotterdammers met elkaar blijven praten, dat Rotterdam cultureel op de kaart komt, dat er mooie dingen te zien zijn en dat iedereen gelijkwaardig is. Dat is een toffe groep mensen dus, vind ik, als geboren en getogen Rotterdamse en wereldverbeteraar (bewijs? lees maar verder). </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maar ik maak me ook zorgen om de mensen die door deze groep worden uitgesloten. Ik merk het in de wandelgangen, en de laatste tijd ook in columns en <a href="https://versbeton.nl/2016/09/de-witte-de-withstraat-symbool-van-de-uitgeholde-stad/" target="_blank">opiniestukken</a> die massaal worden gedeeld en geliked: zij willen (onbewust) niets weten van een categorie mens die het iets minder getroffen heeft in het leven. Veelvuldig wordt deze groep weggezet als ‘junks’, of ‘(crack)hoeren’, en vanuit betrokken Rotterdam komt er dan zeer weinig kritisch respons. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Een voorbeeld uit ‘mijn eigen community’: de populaire column ‘<a href="https://liveliketom.com/om-3-uur-s-nachts-rotterdam/" target="_blank">Liveliketom’</a>. Hij schrijft over "(..) de plek waar vroeger hoeren en junks foeterend achter elkaar aan zaten", en gebruikt dit in zijn stukje om het contrast aan te geven tussen het Rotterdam van toen - waar hoeren en junks het straatbeeld ‘s nachts domineerden, en van nu - met homo's die op straat openlijk liefdesdrama’s kunnen uiten. Hij ziet dit als een voorbeeld van hoe goed het gaat met Rotterdam, en hoe tolerant onze stad nu is. Dit contrast juist zo expliciteren vind ik zeer problematisch. Het laat een beweging zien van het doorschuiven van een minderheidsgroep naar de meerderheid: blanke homomannen zijn immers lekker door geëmancipeerd en mogen (volgens dit verhaal) uitgebreid zichzelf zijn op straat. Super! Maar lieve blanke homomannen (ik ga jullie even direct aanspreken), jullie weten toch nog wel hoe het voelt om dat niet te kunnen? Om op straat bang te moeten zijn uitgescholden te worden? Om als oud vuil (=afval, =junk**) te worden behandeld? Misschien zijn sommigen dat even vergeten. Begrijpelijk, er is zoveel leuks en dat mag best gevierd worden. Maar toch zou ik jullie er graag aan herinneren, in de hoop dat ‘gelijkwaardig’ een term wordt die ook opgaat voor mensen die dakloos, verslaafd of erg in de war zijn. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">**>>Even wat taalkritiek</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">De term ‘junk’ is heel erg naar, het betekent namelijk ‘afval’. Ik zou graag zien dat deze term net zo </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not done</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> wordt als het N-woord, of het F-woord. ‘Hoeren’ is in deze context al helemaal onverklaarbaar. Wat hebben prostituees/sekswerkers hiermee te maken? Ik vermoed dat je voor de blanke privilege een ‘hoer’ bent als je een (dakloze) vrouw bent die bedelt? Want dat moet wel een hoer zijn, een dakloze vrouw? Deze terminologie is vreselijk stigmatiserend. Laten we hiermee stoppen en elkaar, als welbespraakte hoogopgeleide mensen, erop wijzen</span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.<<</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ik denk dat je kunt spreken van een schijntolerantie als we als ‘betrokken Rotterdam’ massaal gaan juichen/liken als zij die steun van een stad het hardst kunnen gebruiken netjes worden opgeruimd om plaats te maken voor een bekender beeld op ons aller netvlies. Weten jullie nog: </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.trouw.nl/tr/nl/4324/Nieuws/article/detail/1681924/2006/01/31/De-filosofie-van-een-weerloos-citaat.dhtml" target="_blank">alles van waarde is weerloos</a></span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.rotterdam.nl/deomgevingvandemens" target="_blank">de omgeving van de mens is de medemens</a></span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, en </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://donadaria.nl/de-meeste-mensen-zijn-andere-mensen/#.V--U3TOLT9g" target="_blank">de meeste mensen zijn andere mensen</a></span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Een beschaving, beste blanke (linkse) gepriviligeerden, is er juist om zij die minder kansen hebben gehad te steunen door ze te zien en te helpen. Niet door ze van straat te vegen om plaats te maken voor onze eigen volgeconsumeerde lichamen, maar door ze te erkennen als onderdeel van ons straatbeeld en ze te leren kennen als volwaardige mede-Rotterdammers. Dit is een minderheid die bestaat, die er altijd al was, en altijd zal blijven. Dat maakt Rotterdam een wereldstad.</span></div>
<br />non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-87941048560506741662016-06-07T07:42:00.001-07:002016-06-07T07:42:44.842-07:00A Love Letter to Queer<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear queer, </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-ce886fb8-2b4f-0b03-05d6-cd14a5b49717" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is hard to know how to do it.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have written several love letters in my life. All the previous ones were about/to a person. One person, with whom i was in a kind of relationship. Most of those ended, and i think this is mainly because you have always been there.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me? You are the one that got me here in the first place. But now that i am here...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s hard to know how to do it.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How can you do something without knowing how?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me laugh about those movies that they made, and i tried to live? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me defy the romantic ideal about love and sex? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me get rid of my own expectations?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me let go of the tragic of disney, consumerist decadence, and my parents? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Can you help me write my own lovestory, which is about multiple forms of love, friendship and intimacy? (i don’t think you can do all this)</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am really really scared of you, and i feel so safe with you at the same time. You have been so disappointing and so satisfying. You have made me feel at home, thank you for that. I am sorry I got annoyed and bored that one time in Berlin, and wanted to leave a while later...even you can not prevent this from happening. I am still with you though, cause you are the only one who can handle and restrain my fear of commitment, or even more: my fear of separation. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But.. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it is so hard to know how to do it</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. You keep asking me what i want, it freaks me out. I don’t know what i want. I need your help. And I need your intimacy.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe you don’t want me, i am not good enough for you, i don’t belong to you. These insecurities make me doubt my devotion to you sometimes. Do i fit you, queer? Am i not too cisgendered, too white, too much into boys -and dick- as well? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can be vulnerable with you. Other people often make me feel vulnerability is weakness. But even though you make me feel my vulnerability makes me beautiful and strong -make my body, my complex, never perfect body, beautiful and strong- </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is hard to know how to do it.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I walked through the streets of Berlin, looking for you. I found you in a lot of places, safe spaces as they call them. It is not a given thing for me to feel safe in public spaces, and with you i did. But i also found that you are not there when i am not: that you are a part of me, and that i am the one that should ask for you to appear. You are something strange, something other, something different, not only in society and other people, but mostly: in me. You make me feel alone and isolated, but then you tell me to get up and put lots of glitter on and go dancing. We go dancing together, we are the queer genderclowns. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You tell me i am not like the others, and sometimes i hate you for that. But once i start looking for you in other people, i feel all the more comforted and loved. You make me feel like i do belong, there is hope, i can have sex, i am allowed to enjoy my body, but i can also be in pain and say no, i can wear all the crazy shit i can think of, i do not have to care about what people think, i don’t have to be woman, or girl, but i don’t have to be man either. I can be a true clown with you and you are not scared of my needs.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can find you anywhere. I mean this spiritually, your energy is everywhere, but also as in most cities. Most cities have a part of you, a place and community where you are the common ground. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear queer, there’s only two 2 things i think you need to work on:</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rotterdam, and a sense of humour.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s work on that together. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Love,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Manon</span></div>
non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-46341131401311332792015-11-20T05:14:00.002-08:002016-01-25T06:57:35.644-08:00the greatest love of all: one playful moment in time<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>i believe the children are our future.</i>. -whitney houston's <i>greatest love of all</i> is the most tragic song in pop-history. think about it: whitney's child, daughter bobbi kristina, died a short period after her mother, in more or less the same way -they both were found dead in a bathtub. as for the rest of the lyrics of this song, listen to them: it won't make you think of a life like whitney's. but how could we live the greatest love of all, when we are told to live and love like whitney, for this one purpose: romantic love?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">born in 1982, i grew up in the 80's and 90's listening to the radio. my earliest memory is of sitting at the table in the living room, coloring or dwawing something, with my mother in the background doing stuff. my mother always listened to popmusic on the radio (she was only in her 20s then) and so i heard it too. whereas madonna was my big idol, and I had my own cassettes with her songs on it which i begged my mother to play over-and-over again, whitney has always been around too. i found her voice so beautiful, but for some reason I never wanted to 'come out' as a whitney-fan. madonna was way cooler, i guess.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">when i was 13, i had a crush on a boy from my neighbourhood. i never spoke to him of course, but he had a scooter and i saw him crossing round town on it, and everytime he suddenly appeared i got so nervous i fell off my bike or drove it into the bushes. must be love right? at night, i listened to <i><a href="http://images.google.de/imgres?imgurl=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a9/Whitney_Houston_-_Whitney_(album).jpg&imgrefurl=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitney_(album)&h=318&w=320&tbnid=7Y6U97v63ukdaM:&docid=WHYwtJ2ifZyJ_M&ei=RhdPVs22GcG2swHL4qvwAg&tbm=isch&iact=rc&uact=3&page=1&start=0&ndsp=21&ved=0ahUKEwjN8ZinhZ_JAhVB2ywKHUvxCi4QrQMIIDAA" target="_blank">whitney</a></i>, whitney houston's famous hitrecord which my mother had bought back in '86, on my discman. <i>didn't we almost have it all</i> and <i>where do broken hearts go</i> were the songs i listened to most, while i fantasized about the scooterboy noticing me and smiling at me. (yeah that's it. no kissing, no dancing, no talking even. i was so innocent.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">i use these 2 memories to explain my fascination for whitney, which remained throughout my life. later in the 90's, she came back with her famous <i>bodyguard</i> record and movie, and i found myself being mesmerized by her appearence again. this time, i think i loved looking at her more than listening to her songs though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">when I heard about her death 3 years ago i was shocked..the tragedy was complete. i think whitney stands for the extreme terror ending of living the perfect romantic love, and i think i was influenced by this, which is quite the bitch about tragedies -they influence people with illusions they keep up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">i internalized the lyrics i heard when i was drawing as a little girl. i thought 'this must be love, and it seems like the most important feeling in the world'. for whitney, this was the case. she married a man named bobby brown, and i think there are not a lot of people who take their wedding vows as serious as she did. she stood by her man. (he is still alive now, and he is a dickhead) i don't think whitney was very intellectually gifted, but i do have a strange sort of respect for her and the choices she made. she stuck to the plan. and because the whole world wanted to take over her life, which is what comes with the fame, all she could do (like so many others did) was to claim agency by taking drugs and booze. the other tragic of course being that the drugs and booze will take the last piece of agency you have away from you anyhow. her death was a combination of bad luck and a body that is very fragile because of all the drugs and alcohol it had to deal with: she took a bath after snorting some coke and drinking something, she slipped, hit her head and drowned in the bathwater. could happen to anyone, really. just like the tragedy of romantic love could happen to any girl (m/f).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">with this writing, i want to talk about the ideal of the romantic love that whitney (together with disney, society, my mother, etc.) got into my head. because we now know where it leaded her, and i think i decided a decade ago that i didn't want to end up like her. but there is of course always beauty in tragedy..and we need to talk about new forms of beauty to start seeing them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a lot of feminist philosophers and writers have written about the burden of romantic love, in search of other stories. a while ago i read <i>all about love</i> (2001) by bell hooks, in which she explores the rather complex and abstract topic. what is love? for hooks, it is certainly not something you can make a hierarchy of, with the love for that one significant other at the top. hooks thinks that f.i. friendship is a form of love highly underappreciated. she states that women often take shit (i re-phrased freely) from men that they would never take from a friend, all because of the destructive hanging-on to the romantic ideal. i think whitney is the living proof this and i very much agree. but, instead of discussing when love is 'wrong' or 'destructive' (which i think is very important to do, and must not be neglected, but i want to get to my point more quickly), i would like to go beyond this and look for other affirmative narratives on love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">simone van saarloos is the latest dutch philosopher who wrote about this, and gives us a lot of empowering sources to live by. i am a big fan, i think she captures a very important aspect of emancipation for both men and women of our times. for me <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut" target="_blank">the ethical slut</a></i> bij janet hardy and dossie easton (1997) was an important source to start with, but i could not really relate to the stories it showed me. written by two women from a different generation, it gave me the feeling this ethics belonged to a certain time and place, and i couldn't think of a place like that in store for me, right now. still, the loving-ethic and the reflections on jealousy, sex-positivism and vulnerability were a major breakthrough for me personally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but van saarloos i like even better, because she is a philosopher, and most of all, of my generation. her book is called <i><a href="http://www.bol.com/nl/p/het-monogame-drama/9200000046552193/" target="_blank">the monogamous drama</a></i> and pleads for being single forever. van saarloos doesn't want the romantic love story, because she thinks being single is not a phase in which you search for the next love, but a status that can be cherished because it gives you the chance to love and live, playfully. she claims that relationships have become too static, rigid, serious. i couldn't agree more. to 'play' is my favourite thing in the world: to play with the diversity of relationships i have -friends, random people passing by, lovers- and the challenge to keep it a 'fair play', which is sometimes very hard. to be honest about feelings, to communicate with integrity, and to not be afraid of being rejected or maybe even more important: to not be afraid of your dark sides. whitney lost her playfulness, took her love very seriously, and was very afraid of her dark side. beautifully tragic, but not something to teach our children (which are indeed, our future).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">well, i still want that <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c84ogrNEds0" target="_blank">one moment in time, when i am more than i thought i could be</a></i>. i think it is now my favorite whitney-song (of course we are still talking about my guilty pleasures now), because it is not about love for one person. and especially if you think of this moment to be a very small one moment in time, it could happen everyday. everyday we can be more than we thought we could be. (this is not enough for me, obviously-yes i know)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and remember: <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYzlVDlE72w" target="_blank">if by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of, leads you to a lonely place: find your strength in love.</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">epic. RIP whitney.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">**disclaimer: i know i just made a serious confession for a person who generally loves 'good music'. </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">simone van saarloos:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">https://decorrespondent.nl/3612/Het-monogame-drama-een-pleidooi-voor-multi-intimiteit/494834883312-95d7bcb9</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">more about playful love in this episode of the dutch show 'je zal het maar zijn':</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">http://www.npo.nl/je-zal-het-maar-zijn/17-11-2015/BNN_101376172</span><br />
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<br />non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-78368954813610353282015-11-04T05:51:00.002-08:002015-11-04T05:54:31.028-08:00#zeghet. <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Everyone gets raped </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 20.24px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Zeghet" target="_blank">#zeghet</a> is er nu, en daaraan wil ik meedoen, al voelt het als een oud verhaal.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 20.24px; white-space: pre-wrap;">i</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">k heb 'het' al eens gezegd, tijdens mijn leesgroep <a href="https://www.facebook.com/LesFillesSophiesFutureFeminism/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Les Filles Sophies, </a>jaren geleden. we hadden het toen over 'rape', en over slachtoffer zijn, en niet willen zijn, en ook geen 'dader' willen aanwijzen, maar liever een discours problematiseren. maar het begin van deze weg is #zeghet. als alle verhalen worden gedeeld, worden meisjes en vrouwen empowered en zullen ze minder snel in vervelende situaties terecht komen omdat ze de onderdrukking gaan herkennen.</span><br />
<span id="docs-internal-guid-5a961843-d2be-4149-6ac1-733eef960282"></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-5a961843-d2be-4149-6ac1-733eef960282"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">disclaimer: ik heb nergens spijt van en ik heb geen groot trauma. ik ben geen 'casus'. maar deze anekdotes leggen bloot wat er is, en in wat er is, zijn aspecten te vinden die wel degelijk problemen veroorzaken en die besproken moeten worden. het zijn verhalen over misogynie en seksisme, die diep in onze westerse zielen verankerd zijn.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">------------------------------------</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(dit is een oude tekst, ik heb het zoveel mogelijk in tact gelaten)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cusco, Peru, ik woonde daar een half jaar. Mama Africa’s was onze bar, ik was er toch zeker 3x per week. Voor de lol met iedereen, de cocktails, en natuurlijk voor de mannen (ik leidde toen nog een grotendeels heteroseksueel bestaan). Heerlijk, toeristenliefde, geen opties tot meer, want iedereen moet door. Een zekerheid die mij vrij maakte op dat moment. Ik kon ze meenemen de berg op, naar het hostel, en dan zouden ze de volgende dag zeggen ‘Thanks for the great night’ en weer afdalen naar hun reis. Heerlijk. Tenminste..als ze je een goed gevoel geven. Dat goede gevoel is verslavend, en tijdens nachten dat er geen man te vinden was die me dat gevoel kon geven, moest ik het met minder doen. Soms zoende ik dan wel wat, maar dan mochten ze niet mee de berg op. Ik wist dat wel te selecteren. Met de volgende avond als uitzondering. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Twee schotse mannen spraken mij en mijn vriendin aan op het balkon van de Mama’s, waar we aan het roken waren. Het waren nuchtere, grappige mannen, die ik meteen wegzette als Jan Modalen. Leuk voor een praatje, maar geen smaak, dus geen actie. Mijn vriendin kon wel wat met Jan Modalen, en dacht daar anders over. Actie dus. Snoggen met een Schot aan de zijkant van de dansvloer. Ik stond er liever op, op die dansvloer, maar deze avond kwam ik er niet lekker in. De reggaeton kreeg me niet te pakken, gek genoeg.. Dus toch maar weer praten met de andere Schot, over bandjes. Want dat doen Jan Modalen. Die praten graag over bandjes. Ik herinner met dat we het over Placebo hadden. ‘Fantastische band, live echt heel sterk’, zei de beste jongen. Ja, verfrissend...wat hebben we veel gemeen zeg! Na genoeg LAGERS werd hij wat losser, en begon hij me complimentjes te geven. Mijn vriendin snogde lekker door, ik raakte verveeld. Ik kan me nu dus niet meer herinneren of de Jan in kwestie zijn tong in me gestoken heeft, daar in de club. Als dit zo was, werd ik er in elk geval niet warm van. Op een zeker moment werd het voor mijn vriendin tijd om de berg op te klimmen naar het hostel. Ze wilde haar verovering meenemen. Ik niet. Ik zag hem ook niet als verovering, ik verveelde me en deed het met wat er was. Maar ik was zeker niet van plan meer tijd te steken in dit oersaaie wezen. Jan bleek echter gehaaider dan je zou denken, want hij speelde het direct op mijn gevoel voor gastvrijheid. ‘Ons hostel is heel ver, dan moet ik alleen met de taxi, kan ik niet bij jou slapen, ik slaap wel op de grond…’ En natuurlijk had ik gewoon NEE moeten zeggen. Natuurlijk was ik hem NIKS verschuldigd. Natuurlijk wist ik dat het een ‘slippery slope’ was als hij meeging. Wat gebeurt er toch op zo’n moment? Het gevoel geen NEE meer te mogen zeggen nadat je op één ding JA gezegd hebt.. Dus hij ging mee, onder de ‘brother and sister’-voorwaarde. Eenmaal in mijn kamer weet ik dat ik dacht hem af te kunnen doen met even zoenen en dan gewoon met mijn kleren aan in slaap te kunnen vallen. Zoals ik dat zo vaak deed, als ik dronken was.. Maar hij vroeg waarom ik mijn kleren niet uit deed. Dat is toch raar, in je kleren slapen. Ben je soms preuts? Of onzeker? Je bent onzeker he? Dat is toch nergens voor nodig! Je was de mooiste vrouw van de avond! Je hebt niets om je voor te schamen! En wat doe ik in een situatie als deze? Ik praat terug. Ik ga erop in. En tot nu weet ik niet wat erger is, fysiek je grenzen overschrijden, of door in te gaan op dit soort vreselijke narcistische meuk. Ik liet dingen los als ‘Ja, in een club, met de juiste kleren aan, dan ben ik niet onzeker..’ Ik trapte erin. Ik gaf hem aanleiding verder te gaan. Aan te dringen , op te dringen. Ik heb hem uiteindelijk zijn gang laten gaan. Omdat ik het gevoel had hem dit verschuldigd te zijn. Ik wilde hem ook niet teleurstellen. Wat zal hij trots geweest zijn op deze daad. Dat had ie maar mooi voor elkaar geluld! Waarschijnlijk was hij zich niet eens van kwaad bewust, omdat hij dacht de juiste dingen te hebben gezegd en me een dienst te hebben bewezen, of in elk geval een goed gesprek te hebben gehad. Na een paar uur slaap werd ik wakker en toen ik hem naast me zag en voelde had ik zin om hem helemaal total loss te slaan. Ik maakte hem wakker en zei ‘Get lost. Right now. Please.’ Na wat gesputter en gemompel over zijn maat in de andere kamer kreeg hij de boodschap een beetje door en vertrok. De hele dag heb ik me afgevraagd wat ik met dit verhaal moest. Ik voelde me verkracht, maar ik vond dat ik dit niet mocht zeggen. Ik praatte erover met mijn vriendin, en zij luisterde naar me, maar vond ook dat het wel wat ver ging om te zeggen dat ik verkracht was. Ik had hem immers zelf uitgenodigd, en waarschijnlijk niet genoeg duidelijk gemaakt dat ik geen seks wilde. ’s Avonds hadden we een gezamenlijk huisetentje, en het lukte me niet hierbij te zijn. Ik heb al het warme water opgedoucht. Ik heb me 1000x voorgenomen nooit meer een man mee de berg op te nemen. Ik heb nagedacht over het verschil tussen de mannen die in mijn blauwe kamertje geweest waren, en waarom ik me nu zo vies voelde, terwijl er in fysieke zin niet meer gebeurd was dan vele andere malen. Ik heb hier een paar dagen de tijd voor genomen, daarna verdween het uit mijn systeem. Dacht ik. Natuurlijk verdwijnt dit niet uit je systeem, totdat de pijn die erbij hoort door anderen gehoord en erkend wordt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dat gebeurde pas jaren later, bij Les Filles Sophies. En dan denk je: nu weet ik beter, ik weet nu wat mijn grens is. Maar weten is niet veel meer waard als je gedrogeerd bent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nieuwjaarsnacht, jaren later. Een huisfeestje komt tot zijn einde in de vroege ochtend, maar sommigen van ons zijn nog niet klaar. We gaan nog naar een feestje! Eén van ons, een man, weet nog een kraakpand waar het nog 'aan' is. Let's go! Daar aangekomen blijkt dat hij niet gelogen heeft: de happy hardcore drilt door de lege gangen van het oude kantoorpand. Iemand geeft me een blauwe pil, 'MDMA', wil je? Ja hoor. Ik deel de pil met mijn vriendin. Na een heerlijk tijdje verliefd rondfladderen op de dansvloer trek de man van het plan me mee de gang op. Ik moet plassen en hij gaat mee. Ik ken hem, ik heb veel verhalen over hem gehoord. Hij is grof, op seksueel gebied, en beledigt mijn vriendinnen regelmatig. Maar hij doet het op zo'n manier dat het lijkt alsof hij heel geëmancipeerd en wijs is. Ik prik daar natuurlijk doorheen. Hij heeft hele nare dingen gedaan met een goede vriendin van me, ik ben op mn hoede. Terwijl ik zit te plassen confronteer ik hem met zijn imago. 'Ik weet dat jij je lul nogal graag uit je broek haalt en daar trots op bent. Ik vind jou een lul.' 'Wil je m zien?' -vraagt hij. 'Pffff ja hoor, bring it on.' Hij haalt zn lul uit zn broek. Ik begrijp de situatie ineens niet zo goed meer en ik vraag hem zn lul weer weg te stoppen. Dat doet hij. Ik ren weg uit de wc en ga weer naar mijn vrienden. Een tijdje later besluit ik het kraakpand te gaan verkennen. Zoals je besluiten neemt als je drugs op hebt, je spookt wat rond en voelt. Ik zit op een trap als hij naast me komt zitten. Ja hoor, hij begint over feminisme. Ik heb daar dus helemaal geen zin in he. Ik kap het af en zeg 'ik ga een rondje lopen'. 'Ik ga mee' zegt hij, en hij loopt achter me aan. Eenmaal boven, in een lege kantoorruimte, zoent hij me. Ik ben apatisch en slap zoen een beetje terug. Hij duwt me op de grond. Ik ben apatisch en slap ga liggen. Ik was compleet apatisch en slap...D scheurt mijn panty aan stukken en probeert zijn erectie langs mijn onderbroek naar binnen te duwen. Ik heb door wat er gebeurt (hallelujah, leve de vertraagde drugshersenen) en zeg 'NEE'. Hij gaat door. Dan zeg ik nogmaals 'NEE!' en duw ik hem weg. Hij is sterk en zwaar, maar hij vind het kennelijk wel best zo. Ik sta op en strompel terug naar beneden.'Ben je altijd al fors geweest?' vroeg hij later. Goede vraag, want dit was de wake up call. Ik zei dat ik niks met hem en zijn lichaamsindelingen te maken wilde hebben en dat ik wilde dat hij weg ging. Hier ben ik achteraf blij mee, want wetende wat ik nu weet, was dit waarschijnlijk zijn route naar een nieuwe poging tot vernederen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Deze man heeft het geweten. Hij is uitgekotst door een hele groep mensen, met wie hij graag feestjes vierde. En uit zijn band gezet. De anekdotes over zijn nare, kleinerende gedrag tegen vrouwen vlogen namelijk om onze oren, toen ik begon te praten, na een hele tijd, omdat een vriendin over hem begon te praten. Zo gaat dat dus, met stiltes door schaamte. Maar wat het allerbelangrijkst was, was dat ik dit moest horen van mijn vriendinnen: hij was fout. Jij wilde niet, jij was verdomme slap en apatisch, en hij heeft je aangerand. Jij zei namelijk geen JA, en geen (overduidelijke!) JA, is geen penetratie. Ik wist dat wel, maar mijn lichaam niet. Hoe kan dat?? Waar komt dit collectieve schamen vandaan? In elk geval is het in mijn geval veranderd doordat ik het gedeeld heb, met de juiste mensen. En doordat we gingen praten over 'consent'. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">even voor de duidelijkheid: 'rape' wordt hier besproken als een grijs gebied, wat meestal anders is dan door die ene vreemde man in de bosjes getrokken worden als je 's nachts naar huis fietst door een parkje.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">het is ook goed dat het niet alleen maar gaat over fysieke grenzen, maar ook over intimidatie met woorden. helaas zijn er zoveel heteromannen die dit niet snappen, dat blijkt maar weer uit de reacties op de actie #zeghet. zij die kritiek hebben op deze actie (en ja, dat zijn vooral mannen), lijken het woord 'verkrachting' heel erg nauw te kunnen definieren. daar schieten we niets mee op. het gaat hier om het blootleggen van een discours van misogynie en seksisme, waar mannen óók het slachtoffer van zijn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">en er zijn helaas nog heel veel mannen die zich dusdanig bedreigd voelen door vrouwen dat ze het nodig vinden te kleineren en manipuleren, aan te randen en te verkrachten. (of denken ze echt dat het hun taak is?) ik heb zo-veel voorbeelden, van mezelf en vriendinnen. van woorden op straat tot ongevraagd grijpen in bars tot kleineren en verkrachten... #zeghet zegt het.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ik ben nu ver verwijderd van het heteromannensoort. dat is heel prettig. ze komen simpelweg niet meer veel voor in mijn sociale omgeving. soms maak ik nog wel iets mee, op Tinder ofzo. dit is vaak een bevestiging van mijn gevoel geen zin meer te hebben met ze te daten. ik heb gewoon geen zin meer in die strijd. ik weet dat er ook leuke heteromannen zijn, en die koester ik dan ook, en ik heet ze zeer welkom zich in deze trend te mengen. (you know who you are :))</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">maar het lijkt me heel vervelend als je je voelt aangetrokken tot alleen mannen, of zelfs tot van die Jan Modalen die ik hierboven beschrijf, en je moet hier continu iets mee...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sterkte meisjes! ik steek mijn kop weer terug het queerzand in.</span></div>
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non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27099131775218766.post-16199158770651443142015-10-26T12:15:00.000-07:002015-10-26T12:41:08.895-07:00my pornfilmfestival reflection<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i often feel sex as something complex, painful, and problematic.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">there have been moments in my life when i didn’t: when i just enjoyed my body with an other, without shame, uncertainty and pain.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but most of the time, it is not like this. and i have been trying to fight all the ugly aspects of sex on very many levels and in a lot of different ways, but it is still hard. it doesn’t get much better.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the only thing that gets better is that i don’t do it anymore if i don’t feel safe. which means i don’t do a lot of sex anymore at all. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4f4f2b85-a591-cc9d-b1ef-bd21b87b21e5" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i think sex-positivism is a revolutionary thing. i love being around people who know that word, and live it. i love talking about sex and sexuality, because i think being honest and open about it is the first step towards this revolution. but i haven’t been really honest and open about my own sexuality. when i was younger i wasn’t, because i just did what i thought people expected me to do, and now i am not because by being around sex-positivists, sex-workers and all other kinds of sexperimental people, i feel like i pretend to be this sexual being that i am not. this is my attempt to change that.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">politically, i think there should be free sex for everybody, no shaming, no monogamy, no taboos, lots of pervs, lots of nudity, lots of sextoys, lots of porn. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">personally, i am ashamed, in pain, scared and confused..and i need a lót of trust to conquer this and be the sex-positive creature i want to be. a lot of trust is not everywhere to find, it is very rare. when it’s not there, sex can either feel very far away or very threatening.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the berlin porn film festival felt a bit like a cage of sex-positivism to me. everybody was so cheerful about sex that i felt very different, a voyeur, or sometimes even pathologized, like there was something wrong with me. but, as i tell to young people all the time: there is never anything wrong with your sexuality. and it can change all the time, it is dynamic, as long as you take yourself, your body and your pleasure seriously.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">i am still working on embodying this mantra too. and i love the people of the pff, and i love working on the topic, and i love talking to young people about their explorations, and i love taking my clothes off with my friends, and i love good sex! but i also need some space to feel the complexity of it all, and the pain that can come with the intimacy. without this, there is no lust for me, and the discourse of sex-positivism becomes a very threatening, normative one. </span></div>
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<br />non sensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11589161108422395872noreply@blogger.com0